Past 1 in the morning, Mavs, Leo, Jane and I capped off our Midnight Mcdo
Extravaganza and started the long walk to EDSA. By the time I got inside a
bus that would transport me to the jungles of Cubao, I realized how I'm used
to such setup, traveling alone at such insane hour, slumping on the bus seat
and listening to random songs while looking at the blue black sky, at the few
people looking as forlorn as the highway that stands before them, as if they
were waiting for something, comfort in their isolation, some kind of
benediction from distant stars.

And so it was, last night, I got off at Cubao and trekked my all-too-familiar route beginning with the row of flower shops smelling of hope and death. I, too, have become a familiar figure to these florists and vendors who've been doggedly wrapping flowers in newspaper sheets and preparing wreaths night after night. I've always wondered how do I appear before them? I've seen them sizing me up: there she goes again, this elfish girl with earphones on,
foolishly bopping her head and mouthing the lyrics of some song.

I disappeared from their sight as I turned round the corner and walked along the street beside Farmers. My pace steady and unafraid as I made my way to the alley where there was a huge motel transplanted beside a sectarian church. At the corner, jeepneys were waiting, along with the last of the night's pedestrians forming a strange circle of belongingness. I boarded a jeep, which looked less of a vehicle and more of a fossilized metal that clattered as it tried its best to compete against the resident beasts of Aurora Boulevard. Inside the jeep, there were just six of us, including the driver surprisingly alert at such time. The one nearest to the driver was a gay dressed in tight jeans. Beside me was a guy who hunched his back to wistfully survey the view outside the jeep window. The one near the door was an old man who kept his coins in his closed fist, holding onto them like they were his most valued property. Across him was a ruddy-skinned man in his 50s, plastic containing lumps of vegetable on his lap.

The ride was uneventful, but there was something so sharply present in rides like this. Someone looking from the outside could detect the thought bubbles above our heads, the five of us lost in our own universe of thoughts. I thought of so many things, the length of my ride proportional to thelargeness of emotions that got stuck in my throat. It couldn't be helped. For last night was about being with friends then being alone, holding on to what I have now and figuring out if it's worth letting go, strangling myself with truths, truths too painful to face and too impractical to keep. Last night was about gathering the bits of the past weeks' events, cupping them in my hands, plucking the lessons with my fingers and reading them out loud: "Look, Sam, slow down. Then make up your mind."

I discreetly looked at my fellow passengers; odd how they made me feel safe. They were all looking outside, combing for answers and hidden blessings.

Inside the jeep, I scolded and hurt myself, reformatted my set of ideals and brandished promises like they were my newfound warrior weapons. Inside this small and rundown jeep, I prayed that the direction of my life would be as certain as the direction the driver was following that cold, cold night.

( killing time: survey )

Ordinary morning, I was drinking my coffee. The phone rang and my mother answered it. She turned to me: "Natanggap ka raw sa isang workshop?" That's when I snatched the phone from her.

Lady: Is this Samantha?
Me: Opo
Lady: I would just like to inform you that you are chosen as one of the 15 fellows for the 15th Iligan National Writers Workshop.
Me: Oh my God!!

I got in, yay! ♥ I applied last year, and I wasn't accepted. Thank you so much Lord for this big blessing. ♥♥ I am so happy.

I put up http://thestarsgowaltzing.blogspot.com

Hopefully I get to update that as often as I update here in LJ :)

A night of warrior moon and Joel Toledo poetry - "Evening falls with its steady constellations, its heavy meanings." Outside, the sky is glassy, as smooth as the surface of an undisturbed lake, the stars pushed farther away until they look irrelevant, accidental. Nights like this when the windchime sings with the wind and sleepers kneel on their dreams and I sit in silence, that I feel that I'm invincible, fearless, most alive. I'm dreaming with my eyes open, consciously jumping to the fantastic. Yawning from time to time, but it is still at this minute that I gurgle with energy, the force and willingness to love and learn and live and forget sad stories, silly weepy endings.

Presenting real life Garfield



OMG OMG poor cat :(

Read story here!

( I kill a story by posting it on lj. Hehe. Written five years ago. Nothing fancy. Excuse the grammar slipups, ei. )

Today: Jack my baby dog waking me up, my bestfriend and my brother ganging up on me, short story (hastily) completed after four months, banana split therapy!, my friend encouraging me to join the Palanca and sending me the application form!! (I will never be good enough to join but I'm so thankful for the faith) tagos-sa-puso conversation with Mems over cheap office coffee, surviving a highly stressful shoot, uploading photos and living off memories of the past weekend: my friends and I prepared a feast of squidballs, fishballs, kikiams, grilled hotdogs and tilapia, videoked our intestines out, practiced our British slash Bisaya accents and played "1,2,3 pass!" from 4 until 7am of Sunday. It was such a violent card game we hurt ourselves in the process haha!




My best friend is back in Florida. Hay.

April 4-7, 2008. It was just so so so so so fun. Definitely one of the BEST memories borne out of this lifetime, and that pretty much says a lot.



Photos up at flickr











( ^Bullets: Everything that I need to remember )<3

"A little talent is a nice thing to have if you want to be a writer, but the only real requirement is that ability to remember the story of every scar."

Speaking of Garfield, thanks glasswinged for the cutest Garfield magnets!! <3<3

Winner ang banner! Courtesy of Jac. Photos here


Friday night, 11PM. So there we were – me, Paulo, Cath, Jac, Paz, Shiela, Analyn, Jersey – in Mark’s house. We had just installed the “Welcome home Mark!” banner that Jac painstakingly made, and Paz had successfully inflated most of the balloons. The table was set with all of our humble offerings – 10 pieces of Mcdo chicken, chips, Gran Matador brandy and two boxes of Pizza Smile Supreme. We were all huddled together, exchanging kwento when my cellphone rang.

Mark: “Sam, kadarating ko lang. Asan ka?”
Sam: (signaling the guys to keep quiet) “Ah…nasa bahay ko. Welcome back!”
Mark: “Bakit parang narinig ko si Paz?”
Sam: “Ha? Ano ka ba? Wala siya rito.” (Jac mouthed the question, “Tanungin mo kung san na siya banda.”) San ka na ba?”
Mark: “Pauwi na kami.”
Sam: “O sige, kita kits na lang sa lunch bukas. Welcome home ha.”

We panicked and scampered to the living room, where we turned off the lights and crouched near the sofa. True enough, their car came a few minutes later. Some of us started giggling uncontrollably in the dark. Paulo discreetly peered through the window and whispered that Mark was checking out the banner and the balloons. He stepped inside his house, found us and went, “Hoy!” That’s when we shrieked and squealed, “Maaaark!” From that minute when we were overwhelmed with his presence (and stumped by his $50 hair highlights) up until seven in the morning when anyone of us would fall asleep for ten minutes or so before being interrupted by another batch of kwento, we were all together. We gloriously filled Mark with our stories and listened to his, videoked and laughed and took videos of each other and pigged out, totally ignoring the additional pesky calories that would be so impossible to shed off in time for our beach getaway this weekend.

The weekend! It’s the HS gang’s first out-of-Luzon trip, and it’s the only thing that keeps me from going bonkers, as this week is all about managing our merciless workload that I might not even have the luxury to complete my requirements for this writing workshop (I hate the fact that I’d wait another year). The weekend is the silver lining, the El Dorado, it’s all I can ever think about; the girls and I already had a ball squeezing ourselves inside a narrow fitting room and trying on P250 swimsuits (we’re cheapskates, see) so I could just imagine how we could triple the fun once we’re all there. I can’t wait.

---

Last night. I came from a seminar at AIM and I was on my way to Greenbelt 1 when a guard stopped me and said hello. After greeting him back, I asked myself, “Wait did he just call me Sam or was it Ma’am?” I ignored the thought, kept walking and it was during the time I looked for my iPod (Mark's pasalubong!) when I discovered that I was still wearing the seminar tag with my name written in huge, bold, black letters. AAAACK.

That booboo aside, which was pretty much inconsequential compared to the others I usually have, I had a superfantastic time. Took the train from Ayala to Trinoma to meet Mark and the rest of the gang, this time for coffee. We planned our weddings (they think I’m the first one to get married, can you believe that? Haha), stayed late (“Parang wala tayong mga pasok bukas ah.”) and even had something that would qualify as a road trip. Hanzel: “Mark, namiss mo ba ang daan nato?” <3

( a survey )

I'm located inside an internet cafe right beside Ministop, Katipunan Avenue. Waiting for Thad and Reagan for our usual Saturday night coffee session. Ang tagal nilaaaaa.

My weekend, so far:
♥Had a haircut (told the stylist: "basta may layers" haha)
♥Ran errands for my parents (the two of them just successfully constructed a wooden bench! My papa: "O ano masasabi niyo?")
♥Bonded with my brothers over my "BB" (Boring Burger, because it had no condiments, just the patty)
♥Did the grocery.
♥Wrote.
♥Watched a documentary about pandas
♥Talked to Mark about our beach trip

Showbiz: did anyone catch the ending of Marimar? Haha my friends and I were all sad for Karylle. Masyado kasing intense si Dingdong eh, hehe!

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don't grow on trees, like in the old days. So where does one find love? There's the first kiss. The sloppy kiss. The peck. The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss. The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss. The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad sometimes kiss. The I know your tongue like the back of my hand kiss.


But one kiss levitates above all the others. The intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss. The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

Jeffrey McDaniel, The Archipelago of Kisses

From the time I got home late last night until this early morning, I was up, working on another short story. The usual: switching fonts from Bodoni to Georgia to Trebuchet to Verdana size 9 bold in a span of three minutes, swigging coffee for the energy, chatting with my brother from time to time (he was drawing while I was writing) to trick myself into thinking that I was not sleepy at all, that sleeping would only interrupt this "white heat," quoting Z of Apprentice to the Flower Poet Z.
I filled blank pages with these burning letters, words came out in sudden, happy
spurts and it just felt so good.

I slept from 5AM to 10AM. Rushed writing an article, then took a quick bath, wore my
Kiko Machine shirt (gift from Michelle!), read Ayn Rand on my way to the office and
arrived here at 1pm.

--

Big blessings, big blessings. I got my first editorial assignment for Marie Claire!
My brother was a finalist in another drawing competition, this time sponsored by Phil
Heart Center. And his kabarkada since gradeschool, Jennifer, was crowned Bb Pilipinas Universe. Wow.

--

One of my cousins, the eldest of the Powerpuff Girls is now 13!! My girls are growing up. Fave memory last Sunday: after having lunch at Dads, Eileen, Klar and I bugged the other fam members for money so we could buy our fave gummi candies from this candy store, Pick-a-Mix (?). As soon as Aunt Lolit handed Eileen P100 bill, off the kids ran, dragging their elderly cousin (me) with them.

Let this day be remembered as the day I got my flickr pro account! YAY! Thank you to my bestfriend Mark! ♥


From dane bluepunch
( A photo meme )

got this from glasswinged and outof_focus :)

MY ALBUM COVER
Instructions:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover
You then take the pic and add your band name and the album title to it, then post your pic.

here's mine

hihi raunchy music ba ito? hehe

---
I watched Garfield gets Real and I loved it!! Nakakagigil! 3D Garfield's so cuteeee, way better than the movie counterpart!

I'm stressed so I'm heading upstairs and buy books at Bestsellers ♥♥ Edit:
Bargain finds!
Apprentice to the Flower Z by Debra Weinstein
Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides (I haven't read it yet!)
Kowloon Tong by PauL Theroux (for only P70)
Beasts by Joyce Carol Oates
Sabine by AP

YAY!

Discovery of the day: my old layout which paid tribute to Wolfgang! Hardcore, hee.

The photos were all gone, but wow, I had some basic HTML skillz (TR and TD and div whathaveyous!) back then!
And aww, I lost touch with some of the people in my links. *shrugs*

Last week, I talked about college in front of strange, young faces at my old high school. It was weird to play the part of a grownup, and pretend that I have so much wisdom inside me. I was also afraid that I would look as if I were about to cry because my friends said that's how I am when speaking onstage! Anyways, nothing like being there to inspire nostalgia and remember the time, around eight years ago, when my friends and I were in their shoes: running around in our skirts, holding our own Jackstone Tournament League, checking our horoscopes every single day, screaming and guffawing along the third floor hallway because we owned that spot and no one else was holding classes there. I remember: one time, the boys decided to have a Sam and Armie relay; divided into two groups, the boys raced to the end of the hallway while they had us in their arms. I forgot whose team won, it is such a superb memory.

( Here we were before. )


**
Baguio. I spent my first night in Baguio sleeping. I was sick, condemned to sporting watery sad eyes that during picture taking I'd look elsewhere because it burned to look at the camera. The remainder of the time I was there, I was healthy enough to trek the slopes of Bahong to reach the Flower Farm and be one with the malaysian mums and roses, stark pretty in the sunlight. Caught the parade, ate tens of strawberries and simply had a wonderful time with one of my closest highschool friends, who was the sweetest really - she who would wrap a blanket around me when I was fast asleep, hold my hand when we were crossing the street, call me darling half the time, allow me to take the window seat so I could rest properly. ♥♥ Lovelove Jac ♥♥

During the float parade:
Jac: andyan si Sergio and Marimar! (Dingdong and Marian)
Me: Asan asan?
Later we discovered the guys in the parade were Jomari Yllana and Jodi Sta Maria. Hahahah. Ang layo!:)

My photo with Doglas
which reminds me of this photo taken in 2004 during my 21st bday! Was with Armie, Paz and Mark and his cousin

Good times ♥

The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this memo on their blogs.


1. I'm big on conversations. Not the curt ones, not the small talks, but the ones that really get you going and keep you up until sunrise, conversations as life would want them, conversations that undress you, the truths dropping themselves on the floor, wisdom lying somewhere and waiting to be picked up. Questions that invite answers with soul and stamina, interesting and heartwarming. Enjoyed my UP Fair nights tremendously because of such conversations. There was this night Mavs and I looked for a comfortable spot and talked, and then roamed around the fairgrounds and talked, looked for food then talked, then left and stayed in Jollibee Philcoa and...well, talked. <3 The next UP Fair night, I was with my dearest college friends for another batch of phenomenal conversations. <3

2. Bingo nights, with my bingo-obsessed friend! Twice, I played (rather competitively) and almost won!

3. Anticipating my bestfriend Mark's arrival from the States! We have so many plans (RORO-ing our way to Boracay?) they make me giddy as early as now. "Yayakapin ko kayo pag dating ko ha?" Awww.

4. My Powerpuff cousins bugging me in the most adorable way. Their Friendster comments discussing Todd Wilkins and Tom Watts and us ganging up on my brother by calling him Jobert Sucaldito hihi.

5. The return of the magical: Watching Lion King (for the thousandth time), Aladdin, Return of Jafar and Hercules

6. Getting another puppy, courtesy of Shine!

7. Banana split!!!!!

8. Unexpected long distance calls! :)

9. My friend once kidded me that I might die from drinking too much Coke. I love Coke like I love coffee and Garfield, but Coke is evil; it's been giving me acid reflux and threatening me with a bad case of diabetes. So yay for Coke Zero! I haven't tasted it, though.

10. ( and finally! a copy of the book :) )

I tag everyone :)

Dumaguete-Bacolod Shindig, February 1-4 (lovingly spent with my soul sister)














I even have my own salon in Dumaguete hihi!


Photos from Flickr

The Good stuff:
-Garfield Fat cat book from Dane kapatid!
-Cyrano de Bergerac from A

New books courtesy of my NBS GCs:
The True and the Plain by Kerima Polotan Tuvera
Ermita by F Sionil Jose
Tropical Gothic by Nick Joaquin
State of War by Ninotchka Rosca
Sky Blue After the Rain by Mam Jing Hidalgo
Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson
Art of Fiction by Ayn Rand

And the book is out! (though it won't be in the bookstores for a couple of weeks) I'm picking up my compli copy tomorrow :)